I didn’t mean to start a blog, but God gave me an intrusive thought during a Women’s Night at church, and as much as I tried to ignore the Holy Spirit’s nudging… He can be a bully sometimes.
I reminded Him that I’m a born-and-raised Kentucky gal who defected to Tennessee orange in an act of teen rebellion, a former educator still recovering from years of mold and brain rot exposure. Plus, if I don’t take my ADHD medicine, I’m liable to adopt an 80-pound bloodhound or buy a new car on sheer whimsy. No one wants to hear from me. He kept nudging.
I told Him every single bit of writing trauma I have from 12 years of public school, 4 years of undergrad, and 7 years of master’s work. Some people give birth to babies in their 20s. I collected degrees like they were rare Pokémon cards. And lots of writing trauma. He didn’t care.
Once I ran out of excuses from my series of unfortunate writing events catalogue, I started doing some research about blogging. One of the first things I read was that you need a blog topic (duh).
This was such a lovely thing to read because I just knew it would be my get-out-of-jail-free card because it’s physically impossible for me to stay locked in on a topic for longer than 36 seconds at a time, and I triumphantly reminded the Holy Spirit of that fact.
Have you ever felt the Holy Spirit dwelling inside of you roll His eyes? I’m pretty accustomed to that feeling at this point. I’m fairly confident that my antics also make Jesus facepalm on the daily, and that the Lord is probably just constantly pinching the bridge of His nose. Or whatever the Creator of the Universe equivalent of that is.
Anyway, after I played what I thought was my ace in the hole, I started getting all sorts of potential blog post ideas every morning during my quiet time. At this point, I figured I better make a list. Not because I planned on actually starting a blog… I just really like lists, okay? And I decided to ask the Lord to make it clear if I was supposed to take on this endeavor.
Should I have done that step first? Yes. But I was just a girl trying to Jonah her way out of a potential calling.
I live in landlocked Kentucky, so it was more likely that I would get trapped in the belly of a sinkhole than a whale, or whatever aquatic beast your Sunday School teacher taught you about, but thankfully, it didn’t come to that. I just felt an overwhelming urge to write out my story. So I did.
Finding a Topic
As I went back through the years, a vague topic started to emerge. Then I looked at my list of potential post ideas, and they all more or less pointed in that same direction:
Bible Study.
Looking at it typed there seems so underwhelming. Boring, even.
But here’s the thing… We tell kids to “read your Bible,” we tell youth group teens to “have a quiet time,” and adults will tackle each other to sign up for a women’s study… but we never really tell anyone why it matters.
We hype the habit but forget to explain the plot.
Every church girl knows the pattern: Week one of Bible study, you can’t find a seat. By the last week, it’s you, the facilitator, and three women who absolutely refuse to quit because they already bought the book.
And apparently the Lord looked at that gap, checked the roster of available humans, and instead of sending one of His more demure and articulate servants… He’s sending one of His chaotic creatures.
It’s a bold choice on His part. It’s giving Moses at the burning bush energy.
And that’s how we got here.
No real plan.
No outline.
Just vibes, a “voluntold” mission from the Lord, and a questionable attention span.
If you’re expecting a perfectly polished Christian influencer who voluntarily wakes up at 5am to pray over her sourdough starter… I regret to inform you that I am built different.
Who I Am
I am the girl who:
- Is bullied by a 10-pound pocket tyrant cleverly disguised as a cat to get up at 4:30AM
- Scolds herself for not focusing on a verse after reading it 4 times
- Eats more dinosaur chicken nuggets and Uncrustables than anyone over the age of 18 should
- Loses her train of thought but never her opinions
If Jesus needed a modern-day Paul with “worser” ADHD (Scripture doesn’t say Paul had ADHD, but the signs are there… I’ll wax poetic about it some other day) and a dependency on caffeine, that’s me.
What “Chaotically Devoted” Means
- You’re trying (sometimes valiantly, sometimes in sweatpants).
- You’re tired (like, permanently).
- You’re holy-ish (it counts).
- You try to live by the fruits of the Spirit (but sometimes it’s more “fruit roll-up” than “fresh-picked orchard”).
- God uses you anyway (hallelujah).
What You Can Expect Here
Truthfully? I’m not totally sure. But here’s my best guess:
- Honest talk about Bible study, Scripture, and actually trying to remember what you read without getting distracted by your cat, phone, or snack drawer.
- Stories from church life that prove God has a sense of humor… usually at my expense.
- Encouragement for people who want to feast on the pure spiritual milk of God’s Word… even if you’re occasionally sipping on Dr Pepper instead.
- A sprinkle of chaotic, caffeinated commentary on trying to be holy while still being human.
If you’re here for polished perfection, you’ve taken a wrong turn.
If you’re here because you’re devoted but also a little bit of a disaster… welcome.
Thanks for joining me on this holy little rollercoaster.
Chaotically Devoted 